A Broken Heart in Autisland

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. This is a toughie. (Did I say Ugh?) I am writing this, exhausted and emotionally spent. I know that if I wait until the morning to write this, I’ll have time to find some flowery wording to dismiss how wrenching this all is, and I will somehow make it seem less heartbreaking that it actually is.

So. I will write it all now.

Ollie and I have spent the last 2 hours in a meeting. Just us two. It came to my attention today that a young girl Ollie’s high school is still having problems with him. Specifically, he is “in love” with her and she does not share his feelings. He would not quit writing to her, and it finally got to be so much of a problem, that she went to the principle. That’s when I got the call.

I am too tired after a 30 minute meltdown and subsequent de-escalation to get into more detail than that. It. Was. Brutal. Obsession and objects are old hat for this autisfamily, we rolled with it, and, depending on Ollie’s interest, indulged in the purchase of matchbox cars, John Deere everything, and Legos. Lots and lots of Legos.

People aren’t Legos.

People have feelings.

Sometimes people don’t share our feelings.

How someone feels about you, is out of your control.

If someone rejects you, it does NOT mean you are not worthy of acceptance…(a.k.a. “Different Strokes for Different Folks” school of behavioral psychology.)

I love Ollie more than anything, and nothing will ever change that.

Because I love Ollie, I have to intervene to protect the object of his obsession, and assure that she has a high school experience free of unwanted, and unsolicited attention from Olllie.

Hearts break. Autism does not provide immunity from the pain of unrequited love.

The best rock ballads ever were born from exactly this kind of pain.

Get out the piano, Ollie, and pour out your soul.

All for now….must get some sleep. Survived an epic meltdown, and Ollie is now deeply relaxed and ready for some shut eye himself.

Oh, the things I wish I were better prepared for.

Grateful that we have an appointment to start counseling again to navigate this, and other challenges that come with adolescence. Wish us not overstimulated, predictable, and safe —-luck. 🙂 🙂

Love, love, love.

Autismom

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