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A Broken Heart in Autisland

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. This is a toughie. (Did I say Ugh?) I am writing this, exhausted and emotionally spent. I know that if I wait until the morning to write this, I’ll have time to find some flowery wording to dismiss how wrenching this all is, and I will somehow make it seem less heartbreaking […]

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Ollie

My son, Ollie, staring out at the Pacific Ocean, fog blurring the junctures of water, land, and sky. This is it. This is how he might describe his world. I say might, because he has never actually used those words to describe what it is like to be autistic. Those are the words that I chose. I […]

On Uncertainty

With the Covid-19 outbreak, we neurotypicals have had to change everything we do in a very short amount of time. Witnessing firsthand, the panic and the frustration that seems to be abnormal for us, it struck me that this feeling, this anxiety, and this resistance to change might be what our kiddos on the spectrum […]

On Grief

It all happened so suddenly. I didn’t have time to prepare a script, get my emotions in check, or decide on a course of action. Our dear friend passed away two weeks ago, and I am just now, as I’m writing this, fully acknowledging it. I mean I wrote a post about it when it […]

On Grief

Where August Went

In only a few days, we’ll be saying goodbye to summer. In trying to explain the transition back to school, and having Ollie insist that there CANNOT be school in the summer because SUMMER has VACATION after it, I found myself looking at the calendar to find the “official” start of the fall season. Doesn’t […]

Give Me another Chance

The art of being an Autismom or dad is one that demands patience, empathy, and above all, the ability to use diversion to avoid conflict. This has been my experience, anyhow. Ollie, like many on the spectrum, has a tendency to get “stuck” or fixated on one idea or phrase, much like a stylus stuck […]

Sometimes I Forget

Autism sometimes takes the helm. The Captain can run around screaming “Mutiny!” but the result is the same. Sometimes, though, I don’t remember that I’m not steering this ship. I have the course laid out, the right tools to navigate, but stormy waters….well, they just happen. There are many moments, some that stretch themselves into […]

Can’t you see…I’m thinking?

I think every parent has the ability to “fine tune” what noises they hear as they raise their children. Perhaps it is a certain whine, or maybe it’s a high-pitched giggle or the sing-song sound that goes hand in hand with someone about to tattle on their sibling… “Maaaaw—ommmmm, Timmy is eating saaaa-aannd again!” Whatever […]

The Feels (the echolalia blues)

I remember welling up the first time I heard Ollie say “Aw, I just love you!” That sentence turned my world on its ear. All this time, I had thought that being autistic meant that feelings of love were muted, that my child was incapable of experiencing that kind of emotion. Yet, here, at 4 […]

Mama Done Lost Her Mind

Happy 4th of July!! I know a lot of us struggle with the noise this time of year. I still have the Thomas the Tank Engine theme song blaring in my head from when I played it full blast for three hours on a 4th of July many years ago. Ollie does much better with […]