On Uncertainty

With the Covid-19 outbreak, we neurotypicals have had to change everything we do in a very short amount of time. Witnessing firsthand, the panic and the frustration that seems to be abnormal for us, it struck me that this feeling, this anxiety, and this resistance to change might be what our kiddos on the spectrum go through everyday, with everything.

When crisis enters our lives, no matter what it is, I believe that there is an opportunity to learn hidden in there, somewhere. To see it, we usually have to wait until we are through the crisis before we reap the lesson in the challenges we encounter; but with this, it is as if we have a magnifying glass and time machine rolled into one. We can see the reactions everywhere we look. Take, for example, the toilet paper shortage…does it make logical sense to hoard such a thing? A thing that will ultimately run out, and leave us with nothing…because any value it had is literally flushed away, doesn’t seem to make sense. But, that seems to be the first thing that has flown off the shelves. Our fears, in other words, don’t always make sense…yet we have them, anyhow. Watching someone in a panic with a cart full of Charmin is something that we don’t understand…but that person’s feelings, motivation, and actions are very, very, real and valid to them.

For some on the spectrum, this is just a “day in the life.”

Can you imagine?!!

So the “opportunity” in this, for me anyhow, is the gift of pulling the curtain back, and getting one step closer to understanding Ollie. It flattens me to think of the ways I have reacted to his insistence that everything be set out and planned. I am not a “routine” person, and I get annoyed sometimes with the inability to just “pick up and go” without answering a bunch of questions. The fact that “I don’t know” is NOT an acceptable answer in this house, and that all I can do, sometimes, is just stop trying to explain.

Now I know why he is insistent. Now I know why he wants details. Now I know that it is hard to trust that things are going to be okay.

And now I know why “I don’t know” is not an acceptable answer.

Of course, I could be wrong about all of this…..

“I don’t know.” 🙂

#Autismom #GoodGood #Covid19 #Autism

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